Open Facebook to this reminder tonight:
Oh friends… we must turn from the deep desire to know all of the reasons and to control all of the outcomes. That knowledge would be a burden, and attempting to control it all will do nothing but entangle us with anxiety and fear.
That’s why God didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The knowledge it would give them was a burden God never wanted them to carry. And maybe that’s why we don’t have all the answers to our “why” questions. God isn’t trying to be distant or mysterious or hard to understand. He’s being merciful.
We don’t have to know the plan to trust there is a plan. We don’t have to feel good to trust there is good coming. We don’t have to see evidence of changes to trust that it won’t always be this hard.
We just have to close our physical eyes and turn our thoughts to Jesus. Fix our thoughts on Him. Say His Name over and over and over. And know that we can trust our Father’s heart and His plans.
Happy Friday
God has given each of us a gorgeous life ... look up. Don't throw away each moment for lesser things .. practice "presence".
So many of you are texting and calling and I want you to know how much i appreciate your thoughts & prayers. Every single message means SO much. I must sit with this grief and go through the process so I can heal.
My hope is that the storms of my life can bring encouragement for someone else.
You'll never get through a storm by yourself, we are not designed to. In the middle of a storm, make sure you have the right people beside you. I have lots of them so thank y'all!
My view driving to work this morning
God makes everything beautiful for its own time .. we aren't supposed to see the whole scope of God's work. I'm still fighting so many feelings.... Overwhelmed, scared & confused.
We have our follow call with our doctor on October 1st... which feels like forever away. This trench is a tough one but one day I know I'll be able to look back and say "I'm so glad I didn't know" HE is preparing me for something big and he is protecting me from something I didn't need. Those words don't flow easily but I know they are true.
I'm praying for others in the hopes of getting my focus off my own mess ! Try it !
XOXO
Kelly
We serve a good God that does allow hurt sometimes
Tears are streaming down my face as I am trying to find the strength to type this devastating update and get this post OVER. WITH. Today isn't good.
Our 3 beautiful embryo did not have a good report. The nurse called us Thursday and told us the test results showed that all 3 were abnormal. Abnormal means we will not be going back to Denver. Abnormal means they will not be able to transfer any of them into me for a healthy pregnancy.
We don't know what any of this means. Abnormal could mean they have extra chromosomes (like our baby girl did back in April) or maybe they are missing chromosomes. These are the answers we will be waiting to hear from our doctor when he calls for a "re-group."
We had just pulled up to Aideyn's football game Thursday night @ Copiah Academy when the nurse called. We were both speechless, squeezed hands and just sat in my car trying to comprehend everything. How is this happening? Why would HE take all 3 of these babies from us. This was our last IVF attempt and we knew with certainty that it was "the one." Nic was visibly upset and I was just numb. We thought about turning around and driving home but we made a promise to Aideyn. We stayed, the Flashes won, 14-0 and we got to see Aideyn play in his new jersey with Nic's #63.
Several of you have texted to check on us and/or remind us that you are "praying for the 3 embryo" and it absolutely breaks my heart to have to share the devastating news with you. I know you all want this for us as bad as we want this for us. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Hang with us. We aren't sure what the journey ahead looks like but we do have faith that God is soon going to reveal something pretty amazing.
Many of you have called, asked to come over and hug our necks or come and just be a shoulder to cry on but I don't think we are ready just yet. I'm personally not in a good place right now. I just need space to exhale & grieve. We woke up early this morning, had coffee and watched Netflix but realized neither of us are very focused. I took the dogs walking and Nic started cutting the yard. When I got back, I started vacuuming the attic (odd, I know) and then found myself sitting on a dusty chair crying again. This is hard. The numbness is wearing off and reality is kicking in.
Fear can paralyze us. It makes the gap between where we are and trusting God seem impossible. But God doesn't want us to stay paralyzed in fear. He has equipped us with comfort and reassurance. Over and over through the bible, he tells us not to fear. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7
When someone texts "how are you," it is very uncomfortable for me to respond with the truth so just know if you text asking how I am and then never get a reply- I'm grieving the best way I know how and will reach back out when I'm better.
I am so broken right now but my trust is in HIM. I will use this hurt for good. Feelings are indicators, not dictators. Our pain and suffering isn't supposed to hurt us, it is supposed to save us... save us from a life where we are self reliant (separated from God). We sometimes forget how needy we are until we go through pain.
We are to consider it pure joy when we go through trails because the testing of faith develops inside of us. We are all experiencing disappointment every. single. day. We are either trying to heal from a disappointment, dealing with a disappointment or headed to a disappointment.
We are doing everything we can to process all of this- there is a lot of emotion and a lot of pain. Please keep sending prayers up for us!
XOXO
Kelly
Our 3 beautiful embryo did not have a good report. The nurse called us Thursday and told us the test results showed that all 3 were abnormal. Abnormal means we will not be going back to Denver. Abnormal means they will not be able to transfer any of them into me for a healthy pregnancy.
We don't know what any of this means. Abnormal could mean they have extra chromosomes (like our baby girl did back in April) or maybe they are missing chromosomes. These are the answers we will be waiting to hear from our doctor when he calls for a "re-group."
We had just pulled up to Aideyn's football game Thursday night @ Copiah Academy when the nurse called. We were both speechless, squeezed hands and just sat in my car trying to comprehend everything. How is this happening? Why would HE take all 3 of these babies from us. This was our last IVF attempt and we knew with certainty that it was "the one." Nic was visibly upset and I was just numb. We thought about turning around and driving home but we made a promise to Aideyn. We stayed, the Flashes won, 14-0 and we got to see Aideyn play in his new jersey with Nic's #63.
Several of you have texted to check on us and/or remind us that you are "praying for the 3 embryo" and it absolutely breaks my heart to have to share the devastating news with you. I know you all want this for us as bad as we want this for us. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Hang with us. We aren't sure what the journey ahead looks like but we do have faith that God is soon going to reveal something pretty amazing.
Many of you have called, asked to come over and hug our necks or come and just be a shoulder to cry on but I don't think we are ready just yet. I'm personally not in a good place right now. I just need space to exhale & grieve. We woke up early this morning, had coffee and watched Netflix but realized neither of us are very focused. I took the dogs walking and Nic started cutting the yard. When I got back, I started vacuuming the attic (odd, I know) and then found myself sitting on a dusty chair crying again. This is hard. The numbness is wearing off and reality is kicking in.
Fear can paralyze us. It makes the gap between where we are and trusting God seem impossible. But God doesn't want us to stay paralyzed in fear. He has equipped us with comfort and reassurance. Over and over through the bible, he tells us not to fear. "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7
When someone texts "how are you," it is very uncomfortable for me to respond with the truth so just know if you text asking how I am and then never get a reply- I'm grieving the best way I know how and will reach back out when I'm better.
I am so broken right now but my trust is in HIM. I will use this hurt for good. Feelings are indicators, not dictators. Our pain and suffering isn't supposed to hurt us, it is supposed to save us... save us from a life where we are self reliant (separated from God). We sometimes forget how needy we are until we go through pain.
We are to consider it pure joy when we go through trails because the testing of faith develops inside of us. We are all experiencing disappointment every. single. day. We are either trying to heal from a disappointment, dealing with a disappointment or headed to a disappointment.
We are doing everything we can to process all of this- there is a lot of emotion and a lot of pain. Please keep sending prayers up for us!
XOXO
Kelly
True HOPE changes the way you live
We heard from the embryologist on Sunday. We have 3 embryo that matured and grew to blastocyst. How did we go from 15 eggs retrieved to 3 embryo ? I've asked myself the same thing. We want quality and they have assured me that's what we have. These little embryo have been graded as "perfect" so I am certainly happy about that. Now we wait 2-3 weeks for the biopsy results to come back. Of course I hope and pray that God will be merciful and we find out in 3 weeks that those 3 embryo are PERFECTLY HEALTHY and ready for transfer.
A friend of mine sent me this yesterday and her timing couldn't have been better. It's about Hope.
What is biblical hope? It is a confident expectation of a guaranteed result that changes the way you live. It is confident because it is based on the awesome power, love, faithfulness, grace, patience and wisdom of God.
Hope is also an expectation of a guaranteed result. It is being sure that God will do all that he has planned and promised to do.
True hope changes the way you live. When you have hope that is guaranteed, you live with confidence and courage that you would otherwise not have.
My mom gave me this coffee cup back at Christmas (which was about 1 month after our 2nd failed IVF transfer) I love it and I pretty much wash it daily (now that I'm back drinking decaf coffee, yay!)
This morning as I'm running to catch a flight, I hear someone yell my name..... I turn around and there she is.. my sweet friend, Marilyn Witt. I met Marilyn about 5 years ago. She was shopping around my furniture booth and since I happen to be there she asked me questions about a piece I had- next thing I know, I'm decorating her house and enjoying evenings with she and her husband, Bill.
We keep in touch and regularly do lunch together. She is one of a kind and such a dear friend. She recently lost her husband and is navigating life without him for the first time. I've watched my momma go through this and continue to watch her struggle to find her way sometimes. The pain never gets easier, but God gives strength when its needed and you just learn how to deal with it a little better.
Whatever the challenge. God doesn't expect us to handle it. He wants us to hand it over to HIM. He doesn't want us to rally more of our own strength but rely solely on HIS strength. God WILL give us more than we can handle. But he says we can hand it over to Him. He promises he always has good in mind. We must chose to hand it over to HIM. All the things we don't understand. All the things that are so overwhelming. Declare HIS goodness over the situation and BELIEVE he is working on all things for your good and HIS glory.
On my flight this morning, I finished reading "Make Your Bed" by Admiral William H McRaven. Its a must read. It talks about little things that can change your life. Something that really stuck out to me was "hope is the most powerful force in the universe. With hope you can inspire nations to greatness" How powerful?! I loved this.
Also he said "We will all find ourselves neck keep in mud someday. That is the time to sing loudly, to smile broadly, to lift up those around you and give them hope that tomorrow will be a better day"
I had a facility manager one time that had just lost her husband to cancer, her sister was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, her mom had alzheimers, her dad had just been diagnosed with cancer (her parents live in California and she in GA so she couldn't be there with them) , her niece had just been sent to prison and her son's wife walked in and asked for a divorce. She was dealing with SIX different BIG things. She asked me how my mom was doing (my dad just passed) and wanted to know how I was doing. I looked at her with such surprise and asked how she could possible ask how anyone else was doing when she is literally drowning in pain? Her response "you know if we all threw our troubles in a bowl, we would race to get ours back." Its so true.
Life is full of difficult times. But someone out there always has it worse than you do. God wont give you more than you can handle. If you fill your days with pity and sorrowful for the way you have it then life will be long and hard.
Life is what you make of it and you can make it great.
I am in Newell, WV for the night. There is NOTHING to do here but I found a local park and think I'm about to go for a walk.
Please keep the prayers coming. Pray specifically for those 3 embryos. Pray for good test results. And also please pray for my patience.
XOXO
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