Take the next step, embrace the "hard"...
February of 2020, Nic and I went through 2 days of training with Southern Christian Services. We were working towards our foster care license. After day 2 of training, we jumped back into our busy lives of work, work, work. We scheduled the background checks, submitted the mounds of paper work, financial statements, etc. We were talking and processing everything we had learned in the training we had taken and needless to say, we were scared shitless. Then... Covid happens. The world was put on pause. We couldn't schedule our home study so we just had to sit & wait.
Waiting prepares your heart today for the abundance coming tomorrow. (how true this was)
The week before Memorial Day (2020), I received a text from a good friend encouraging me to reach out to (her friend) the director of CASA in Oxford. She indicated that she had been texting with her about Nic and I wanting to foster/adopt and then mentioned they had talked about 2 little boys whose "plan just changed" and they were on the search for a permanent home for them. Two boys? That's what I've dreamed of. Was it even possible? I'm typically glass half full but I have to be completely honest, I WAS HESITANT.
I didn't tell Nic. Instead, I called the director (Erin) and we talked FOR-EVER. She explained why the boys were needing to be "rehomed" and then told me ALLL about them. She told me about the amazing family that had the boys, the boys interest, their personalities, their hair colors, etc. HOPE was restored. This WAS going to work. Peace swooped in like a dover of hope. I melted. I cried. I was so excited and giddy.
It was at that point that I figured I should call and tell Nic. He was THRILLED. He heard my excitement (which I hadn't had in awhile) and he agreed we would do whatever it took.
Over the next couple weeks, we did EVERYTHING IT TOOK. We got on our knees asking Him to calm our fears and increase our faith. We had been through some pretty murky waters up until this point and although promised that His plan was before us, we were REALLY praying this was it!
We regularly facetimed with the boys and were really getting to know them. We were sooo SMITTEN. We would text every afternoon and ask what time we could call them each night. I remember how anxious I was as I awaited a response. (Me, impatient?! ) Talking with (facetiming) a 4 & 5 year old on the phone was not easy. They had about 2 things to say and then would run off. We sat, smiling and listening to their conversations. Falling harder and harder.
The part that I can't leave out is....although we had fallen so hard for the boys, the reality was...we didn't even have our license (foster license). How long could that take? Would they chose someone else before we could obtain it? My head spun uncontrollably.
Stacks of papers, phone calls, home study's, interviews, background checks until eventually I bugged enough people and we got our license, June 23, 2020.
Another important part I left out was that on May 30th, 4 little blue eyes peeked through our front door. That goes down as one of the BEST days of our lives. The day we met our SONS!
24 days later, we had a license in hand and headed to Oxford to collect their things.
We went to Shaggy's on the Rez for lunch
McClain Lodge Safari park
and ended the day cooking burgers, slip n sliding, riding the side by side, playing cowboy and chasing horses
Our 2nd picture together...followed by a day FULL of fun.
Two little boys with smiles and laughs that melted us into a pile of mushy, gushy, pure LOVE. We started missing them as soon as we said goodbye then cried when they left.
For the next visit, we picked them up in Oxford and took them to Memphis for the day.
We hit up the Memphis zoo, a candy shop and ended with milkshakes and shopping @ Target. Dropping them back off in Oxford was H-A-R-D.
I was told to start "preparing" so the following week, I started setting up a little boy room!
I had designed and provided furniture, etc for so many nurseries and always dreamed of what mine would look like but had NEVER thought about a room for a 4 and 5 year old. I wanted it ALL boy and comfortable. So out came the oushak rug, french chest and linen bedding and in came superhero sheets, grey/blue bedding, toy boxes, etc.
Foster license, termination of parental rights process, canceled court dates, shitty social workers..... WORTH EVERY SLEEPLESS NIGHT.
Do we experience exhaustion? Absolutely. But there is nothing I wouldn't do for my boys and being tired is something I prayed for. I'm thankful to be here.
You know there are moments in life when you fall deeply in love for another and that extends deeper than the love you shared before. Unmeasurable kind of love. I'm there. I am right where I belong. I am MAMA to TWO!
My boys continue to draw me in and I learn a little more about them daily. Their struggles, insecurities, passions, longings, and triumphs. And I continue to fall deeper in love. My heart has expanded more than imaginable.
When I tuck them in at night and they open their hearts and minds and pray the deepest, sweetest prayers for homeless people, pets that have been put out, the sick, suffering, etc, when I am asked to chair an event that brings awareness for behavioral & mental health issues and connect families to resources and as I accepted a position as a founding board member for CASA of Hinds county where I will continue to have tough conversations and advocate for every single child to have a home....I see the love of God. I realize that being a voice for children is my passion. They have put the inspiration in me. When I see my boys, I only see love. My love. Their love. A love that knows no bounds.
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